Saturday, August 3, 2013

40 Freaking Creepy Ass Two Sentence Stories

1. I begin tucking him into bed and he tells me, "Daddy check for monsters under my bed." I look underneath for his amusement and see him, another him, under the bed, staring back at me quivering and whispering, "Daddy there's somebody on my bed."

2. The doctors told the amputee he might experience a phantom limb from time to time. Nobody prepared him for the moments though, when he felt cold fingers brush across his phantom hand.

3. I can't move, breathe, speak or hear and it's so dark all the time. If I knew it would be this lonely, I would have been cremated instead.

4. Don't be scared of the monsters, just look for them. Look to your left, to your right, under your bed, behind your dresser, in your closet but never look up, she hates being seen.

5. I woke up to hear knocking on glass. At first, I though it was the window until I heard it come from the mirror again.

6. They celebrated the first successful cryogenic freezing. He had no way of letting them know he was still conscious.

7. She wondered why she was casting two shadows. Afterall, there was only a single lightbulb.

8. It sat on my shelf, with thoughtless porcelain eyes and the prettiest pink doll dress I could find. Why did she have to be born still?

9. The grinning face stared at me from the darkness beyond my bedroom window. I live on the 14th floor.

10. There was a picture in my phone of me sleeping. I live alone.

11. I just saw my reflection blink.

12. Working the night shift alone tonight. There is a face in the cellar staring at the security camera.

13. They delivered the mannequins in bubble wrap. From the main room I begin to hear popping.

14. You wake up. She doesn't.

15. She asked why I was breathing so heavily. I wasn't.

16. You get home, tired after a long day's work and ready for a relaxing night alone. You reach for the light switch, but another hand is already there.

17. My daughter won't stop crying and screaming in the middle of the night. I visit her grave and ask her to stop, but it doesn't help.

18. Day 312. Internet still not working.

19. You start to drift off into a comfortable sleep when you hear your name being whispered. You live alone.

20. I kiss my wife and daughter goodnight before I go to sleep. When I wake up, I'm in a padded room and the nurses tell me it was just a dream.

21. I needed to quickly run a SQL command to update a single row in an Oracle DB table at work. To my horror, it came back with "–2,378,231 rows affected."

22. You're laying in bed and with your feet dangling out of the covers. You feel a hand grab your feet.

23. The funeral attendees never came out of the catacombs. Something locked the crypt door from the inside.

24. My wife woke me up last night to tell me there was an intruder in our house. She was murdered by an intruder 2 years ago.

25. "Mesa called Jar-Jar Binks. Mesa your humble servant."

26. I was having a pleasant dream when what sounded like hammering woke me. After that, I could barely hear the muffled sound of dirt covering the coffin over my own screams.

27. The last man on Earth sat alone in a room. There was a knock at the door.

28. After working a hard day I came home to see my girlfriend cradling our child. I didn't know which was more frightening, seeing my dead girlfriend and stillborn child, or knowing that someone broke into my apartment to place them there.

29. You hear your mom calling you into the kitchen. As you are heading down the stairs you hear a whisper from the closet saying "Don't go down there honey, I heard it too."

30. I was stoned. And Taco Bell was closed.

31. I never go to sleep. But I keep waking up.

32. Nurse's Note: Born 7 pounds 10 ounces, 18 inches long, 32 fully formed teeth. Silent, always smiling.

33. She went upstairs to check on her sleeping toddler. The window was open and the bed was empty.

34. The longer I wore it the more it grew on me. She had such pretty skin.

35. "I can't sleep" she whispered, crawling into bed with me. I woke up cold, clutching the dress she was buried in.

36. You hear the scream across the hallway, but your eyes won't open and you can't move.

37. Being the first to respond to a fatal car accident is always the most traumatic thing I see as a police officer. But today, when the crushed body of the little dead child boy strapped in his car seat opened his eyes and giggled at me when I tried to peel him out of the wreckage, I immediately knew that today would be my last day on the force.

38. I looked out my window. The stars had gone away.

39. I always thought my cat had a staring problem, she always seemed fixated on my face. Until one day, when I realized that she was always looking just behind me.

40. The pairs of emaciated eyes outnumber the single round in my gun. With pleading tears falling on her doll's hair, I point the barrel at my last surviving daughter.

From: http://thoughtcatalog.com/2013/40-freaking-creepy-ass-two-sentence-stories/

Thursday, November 15, 2012

Space Race is almost Over!

As you probably know, Dropbox has been having a space race for quite some time now. Don't miss your chance to get 25GB of extra space for free! I already got mine !

Saturday, November 3, 2012

New home

Well, its more of a new base of operations. I'll still be maintaining this blog as a standalone entity, with renewed vigor!

However, this is going to be my new home, in a sense ..

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

One more free blog host down! – Vox

Whoa! , I can hear you say. Yes, it is. This comes to me as big news especially considering that a few other services were recently shut down (ipbfree.com, blogetery.com though it made its way back). For Vox, it looks like the team has tried to make it as painless as possible except for the fact that they are not giving out any information on why they are closing out all of a sudden. Potentially there is more than one reason why Vox is closing shop.

Failed Business Model:

That’s just the sophisticated way of saying that they were not making enough cash to pay their bills. Somehow, I doubt that this is the reason as other similar services like wordpress.com and posterous seem to be flourishing.

Legal Issues:

I wouldn’t rule this one off either. But again, its not very likely. At least in my books, Vox had a very good standing. I don’t look upon it as a place for people to share illegal/copyrighted stuff, especially ones so big to shut down Vox itself.

Considering this, in all likelihood it is probably a business decision. They’re moving over people who had Vox to a free typepad Basic account for now, and I’m sure that they expect a lot of them to start using the Pro accounts. This could work well for them, but considering that the people who are shifting were actually used to a free account for a long time, I get the feeling that they might be a little reluctant to pay, even if it is typePad.

Back on topic, if you were one of the people who had a Vox account, you are not in big trouble. You basically have a bunch of options in front of you and you can choose whichever suits you best.

Migrate to Typepad:

On this page, they’ve provided details on how to migrate to typepad. All your settings, videos, posts, comments will be migrated completely along with the library. Also, once Vox closes on Sep 30, 2010 , your old Vox pages will start redirecting to your typepad page. Once you trigger the migration, you can forget about it and it’ll all be handled on the back end.

Migrate to wordpress/posterous:

Here, there’s no automated way to do this. Get information from this page on how to import your Vox data into WordPress or posterous.

Looking at the options, it seems fairly obvious to me that the best option is to migrate to typepad, especially since they’re providing a free custom domain. If you’re an existing Vox customer, you know about how fragile these services are, and that you shouldn’t have risked building your online home in a sub-domain. Use this opportunity to buy your own domain name and use typepad custom domain feature to make sure you don’t land into this problem again. This is a little more important considering the fact that it looks like Vox will be redirecting your traffic to Typepad but not to WordPress or posterous.

So go ahead. Its time to make your move.

Thursday, July 31, 2008

The Husband Store

A brand new store has just opened in New York City that sells Husbands. When women go to choose a husband, they have to follow the instructions at the entrance:

"You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are 6 floors and the value of the products increase as you ascend the flights. You may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you CANNOT go back down except to exit the building”

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.

-The 1st floor sign on the door reads: Floor 1 - These men have jobs
-The 2nd floor sign reads: Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.
-The 3rd floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids and are extremely good looking.

"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

-She goes to the 4th floor and the sign reads: Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help with Housework.

"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"

-Still, she goes to the 5th floor and sign reads: Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, help with Housework and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the 6th floor and the sign reads:

-Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opens a New Wives store just across the street.

-The 1st first floor has wives that love sex.
-The 2nd floor has wives that love sex and have money.

-The 3rd - 6th floors have never been visited.

Tour Bus Driver

A tour bus driver is driving with a bus full of old aged pensioners when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady.

She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up.

After about 15 minutes, she taps him on the shoulder again and she hands the driver another handful of peanuts.

When she is about to hand him another batch again, he asks her "Why don't you eat the peanuts?"

"We can't chew them because we have no teeth", she replied.

"We just love the chocolate around them."

Dear Tide

Dear Tide:

I am writing to say what an excellent product you have! I've used it all of my married life, as my Mom always told me it was the best. Now that I am almost forty and with kids, I find it even better!

In fact, about a month ago, I spilled some red wine on my new white blouse. My inconsiderate and uncaring husband started to belittle me about how clumsy I was, and generally started becoming a pain in the neck. One thing led to another and somehow I ended up with his blood on my new white blouse! I grabbed my bottle of Tide with bleach alternative, to my surprise and satisfaction, all of the stains came out!

In fact, the stains came out so well the detectives who came by yesterday told me that the DNA tests on my blouse were negative and then my attorney called and said that I was no longer considered a suspect in the disappearance of my husband.

What a relief! Going through pre-menopause is bad enough without being a murder suspect! I thank you, once again, for having a great product.

Well, gotta go, have to write to the Hefty bag people.

The New Corvette

He got his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left. "Amazing," he thought as he flew down I-75, pushing the pedal even more. Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw the highway patrol behind him, blue lights
flashing and siren blaring.

He floored it to 100mph, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this," and pulled over to await the Trooper's arrival.

Pulling in behind him, the Trooper walked up to the Corvette, looked at his watch and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes.
Today is Friday.

If you can give me a reason for speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."

The old gentleman paused. Then said, "Years ago, my wife ran off with a Florida State Trooper. I thought you were bringing her back."

"Have a good day, Sir," replied the Trooper

Spoons.

Last week, we took some friends out to a new restaurant, and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It seemed a little strange.

When the waiter brought our water and cutlery, I noticed he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket. Then I looked around and saw that all the staff had spoons in their pockets.

When the waiter came back to serve our soup I asked, "Why the spoon?" "Well, "he explained, "the restaurant’s owners hired Andersen Consulting to revamp all our processes. After several months of analysis, they concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped piece of cutlery. It represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour. If our staff are better prepared, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift."

As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he was able to replace it with his spare. "I’ll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now." I was impressed.

I also noticed that there was a string hanging out of the waiter’s zip on his trousers. Looking around, I noticed that all the waiters had the same string hanging from their flies. So before he walked off, I asked the waiter, "Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?"

"Oh, certainly!" Then he lowered his voice. "Not everyone is so observant. That consulting firm I mentioned also found out that we can save time in the rest-room. By tying this string to the tip of you know what, we can pull it out without touching it and eliminate the need to wash our hands, shortening the time spent in the rest-room by 76.39 per cent."

I asked "After you get it out, how do you put it back?"

"Well," he whispered, "I don’t know about the others, but I use
the spoon."

Grass Eater

A man was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw a man eating grass by the roadside. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.

"Why are you eating grass?" he asked the man.

"I don't have any money for food," the poor man replied.

"Oh, please come to my house!" "But sir, I have a wife and four children..." "Bring them along!" the rich man said.

They all climbed into the limo. Once underway, the poor fellow said, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us in."

The rich man replied, "No, you don't understand. The grass at my house is over three feet tall!"

Eleven People on a Rope

Eleven people were hanging on a rope, under a helicopter. Ten men and one woman.

The rope was not strong enough to carry them all, so they decided that one had to leave, because otherwise they were all going to fall.

They weren't able to choose that person, until the woman gave a very touching speech.

She said that she would voluntarily let go of the rope, because, as a woman, she was used to giving up everything for her husband and kids or for men in general, and was used to always making sacrifices with little in return.

As soon as she finished her speech, all the men started clapping

25 ways to tell you are grown up

Dear Dad

A father passing by his son's
bedroom, was astonished to see the bed

was nicely made, and that everything was picked up and tidy.

Then, he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow. It
was addressed,



'Dad.'



With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the

letter, with trembling hands.



Dear Dad,



It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing to you. I had to

elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene with

Mum and you.



I've been finding real passion with Stacy, and she is so nice, but I

knew you would not approve of her, because of all her piercings',

tattoos, her tight Motorcycle clothes, and because she is so much

older than I am.



But it's not only the passion, Dad. She's pregnant.

Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the
woods, and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a
dream of having many more children.



Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't, really

hurt anyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves, and trading it with

the other people in the commune, for all the cocaine and

ecstasy we want.



In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS,
so

Stacy can get better. She sure deserves it!



Don't worry Dad, I'm 15, and I know how to take care of myself.

Someday, I'm sure we'll be back to visit, so you can get to know

your many grandchildren.



Love, your son, Joshua.



P.S. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Jason's house.

I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in

life than the School report that's on the kitchen table.

Sunday, July 27, 2008

Death Trivia

Jerome Rodale, who founded The Rodale Press publishing house, was taping an interview on the Dick Cavett Talk show. He was bragging about how he was so healthy he'd live to be 100 when he slumped over, dead from a heart attack. The show was never broadcast to the public because it'd be kinda funny.

Pope Johann XII died at age 18 after being beaten to death by his lover's husband.

Jim Fixx, who wrote "The Complete Book of Running" and lectured about how running and a healthy diet would promote longevity, dropped dead from a heart attack while running. An autopsy revealed he had 3 massively blocked heart arteries.

In ancient Japan, it was thought that somewhere on the tail of a cat there was a single hair that would restore life to a dying person. Relatives would sometimes bring a cat to the dying person, letting them pluck a hair to try their luck. So they'd die anyway, but with a cat swatting their face with their claws...

It's impossible to kill yourself by holding your breath, so if a kid pulls that on you, say, "That's nice, dear. Go right ahead.." (This is why my sister doesn't like me to babyish for her.)

Cosmic Irony - The person who wrote the famous song, "Keep the Home Fires Burning" burnt to death when their home caught fire.

In 1970, television newsmanChris Hubbock announced, "In keeping with Channel 40's policy of always bringing you the latest in gore and guts in living color, you're about to see another first - an attempted suicide". Then she pulled out a gun and fatally shot herself in the head.

Eric II, King of Denmark, died in 1104. He was known as Eric the Memorable. No one remembers why.

Nosophilia refers to those who get sexually aroused by the knowledge that a partner is terminally ill. They will even stake out support groups for those with terminal illness like others flock to dating services, pretending to have had a family member or friend that passed from the disease, which is why they're there "trying to learn". . Oh, so that's why they're so attentive and understanding!

Napoleon killed over a thousand people with a cough. In 1799 he was deciding whether to release 1,200 Turkish prisoners of war when he coughed and said, "Ma sacré toux!" (my darned cough) which sounded to officers like "Massacrez tous!" (Kill them all!). So they did.

Paul Revere was the fist person to ever identify a body by dental records. He recognized the dead man because of work he had done joining two teeth together with silver wire.

The most expensive funeral so far was that of Alexander the Great. It'd cost about $600,000,000 in today's money. One of the reasons was the building of a road from Babylon to Alexandria, big enough move a jewel studded hearse the size of a small building which was pulled by 64 horses. .

The French playwright Molière became sick and died while playing the role of a hypochondriac in his play "The Imaginary Invalid".

Necrosadism is sadistic acts on corpses for sexual arousal. Jeffrey Dahmer as well as most serial killers do this.

Mummies were so plentiful when first discovered that they were ground up and sold as fertilizer and put into medicines

The residents of death row in Texas are forbidden to smoke. Guess they're afraid they'd get cancer and die. Perhaps some can enlighten me as to why?

Mysophilia is the practice of ingesting the body fluids of corpses, particularly urine.

A few months before he got killed in a car accident, James Dean made a driver's safety TV ad in which he said, "Drive safely; the life you save may be mine".

Elvis and Charles Schultz were the #1 and #2 money earning dead people in 2002. Elvis made $31 million; Schultz made $9 million

Playwright Tennessee Williams died after choking on the cap of a bottle of eyedrops (one man wrote me to say he knew a woman who knew TW personally and that it had been an aspirin bottle cap). He was a habitual pill-taker and drunk, and in an impaired state he put the cap in his mouth, mistaking it for another pill. It got stuck; The End.

Mark Twain, born on a year Halley's Comet visited us, correctly predicted he would die the next time it came by.

It is a myth that the hair and nails grow after death; the skin shrinks, giving the illusion of their growth

Seven breeds of dog account for 98% of all fatal dog attacks. In order they are: Pit Bull, German Shepherd, Chow, Malamute, Husky, Wolf Hybrids, and the Akita. Mothers-in-Law ranked # 11.

Forest Lawn Cemetery in Glendale, CA is the largest in the U.S. - 1200 acres in four parks.

Crematoria ovens heat typically to 1,100-1,300 F and will burn up a 180 lb. man in about an hour and a half. There's always bones and chunks left; everything is then ground up and those are the 'ashes' you get back.

President Abraham Lincoln was so distraught over his young son Willie dying, he had his coffin exhumed twice so he could look at him again. And they say Mary was the nutty one...

The Cunard Line, which owns the Queen Elizabeth II, has a service by which relatives can book passage for deceased if they want to be buried at sea. Here in Chicago we just put them in a sack and throw them in the river. Much cheaper :)

Star Trek creator Gene Roddenberry is the first person to have their ashes put aboard a rocket and "buried" in space.

The word 'mausoleum' comes from the memorial tomb of Mausolus, ruler of Caria, who died in 353 B.C. When he died his wife had him cremated, mixed his ashes with water, and drank him. Cheers!

The tradition of funeral wreaths originated from the belief that the wreath would encircle the spirit of the dead and keep it at bay.

The Mount of Olives in Israel is the oldest, continually used cemetery in the world.

In 1355, when King Pedro of Portugal was crowned, he dug up his mistress to have her properly honored as queen. Loyal subjects bowed before the decorated corpse and had to kiss her hand. That was nice of him - most women can't even get their husbands to take them out to a simple dinner while they're alive ...

By law, all executed criminals in the U.S. have to have an autopsy to determine cause of death. I guess "He was executed by lethal injection" isn't good enough...

It's a myth that more people commit suicide around "the holidays"; in fact it's quite the opposite.

A body decomposes four times faster in water than on land.

Last words of Thomas Grasso, executed in 1995: "I did not get my Spaghetti-O's, I got spaghetti. I want the press to know this". Oh, quit whining and have a seat.

If you're planning on being cryogenically frozen, the ideal time to start the procedure is within 10 minutes of death.

The first recorded means of execution is stoning. It was usually a public participation sport, and it was considered bad form to hit the victim in the head. The preferred method was to keep the victim conscious and suffering for as long as possible from internal injuries and broken bones. Think that's horrible? They still do this in some countries. To women. Only.

Dr. Joseph Guillotin did not invent the guillotine; he just persuaded officials to use it as a means of executions because of it's speed and efficiency. It is a myth that he died by the device.

Henry the VIII executed some 72,000 subjects. His favorite method was boiling people to death .

When the Bozo Show's Mr. Ned died, they cremated him and put him in bucket #6.
Hahahahahah!! I made that up! They didn't. Really. I just thought that was damn clever of me.

The ashes of astronomer Eugene Shoemaker were put aboard the 1999 Lunar Prospector flight and was "control" crashed into a crater to give him a moon burial.
Only four U.S. States are on record as having never engaged in a lynching - Massachusetts, New Hampshire, Rhode Island and Vermont.

William Kemmler was the first person to be executed in the electric chair in 1890, at Auburn Prison in New York. It was a disaster. The executioner had to administer several rounds of juice while Kemmler kicked, seared, smoked, thrashed and convulsed, finally dying after 8 minutes. An autopsy showed he literally cooked to death, from the inside out.

Lethal injection was first used in 1982. Three separate drugs are used, starting with a barbiturate which knocks the victim out. I'm told by someone who works in a Texas prison and who has witnessed this up close that the recipient is not aware that they are "dying" in any way and that, physically at least, it is a painless procedure. Which is a shame. (Yes, I'm one of those people).

When John F. Kennedy was assassinated in 1963, it was not a federal felony to kill a President of the United States.

Singer Steve Goodman had his ashes buried under the home plate in Chicago's Wrigley Field.

An eternal flame lamp at the tomb of a Buddhist priest in Nara, Japan has been tended to and kept burning for 1,127 years (2003)

Utah and Ohio are the only states which still can execute by firing squad.

The name of the pilot of the ill-fated TWA Flight 800 which exploded over New York, was Ralph Kevorkian

The first drive-in mortuary was opened in Atlanta in 1968 by Hirschel Thornton. While the deceased rested behind a glass wall, those wanting to pay last respects could drive by without having to get out of their cars. There's "caring' for you, huh? Wonder if they'll have burgers to go, next...

From the 1850s to the 1880s, the most common reason for death among cowboys in the American West was being dragged by a horse while their foot was still caught in the stirrups. Then I guess someone noticed this and said, "Hey! We ought to be more careful!" So it stopped.

Tens of millions of people died of smallpox but now there are only two live samples of the virus left in the world. Both are in sealed test tubes; one is in a lab in Moscow and the other is at the Center for Disease Control in Atlanta, Georgia, USA. The last reported case of smallpox in the world was in 1978 in England, when the virus accidentally escaped from a lab. Most smallpox photos you see showing "smallpox" these days are some horrible black pustules that are the product of the archaic mercury treatments that used to give - not the smallpox.

When Thomas Edison died in 1931, his pal Henry Ford trapped the inventor's last dying breath in a bottle.

A taphophile is a person who is interested in the history and art of cemeteries, funerals and gravestones

When the first landing party went to Krakatoa after the 1883 eruption, the only living thing they found on the entire island was one spider, who was spinning a new web. I really like that spider.

King Cambyses of Persia (525 BC) marched 50,000 troops into the desert to attack Amun, on the Libyan border. A sandstorm of epic proportions boiled up and buried them all.

The leading cause of death to military personnel in peace time is drunk driving.
Murderers, on average, are 7.5 years younger than their victims.

The Viet Nam Memorial has the names of 38 people engraved on it who are listed as killed, but weren't.

Extreme cold is more lethal to humans than extreme heat. Cold makes you sleepy, and when you fall asleep, you die

Actor Bela Lagosi was buried in his favorite Dracula cape.

Funeral directors in Florida get 500 frequent flyer miles for every corpse they ship out of Daytona Beach International Airport.

Japanese factory worker Kenji Urada became the first known fatality 'caused by robot' in July, 1981, in a car plant.

It would take more than 2.5 minutes to fall from the top of Mt. Everest. Then you'd go --->S P L A T <---

It's a myth that there's a "curse of King Tut's tomb" and 'most ' of the people who were present at the opening of the tomb died swift, horrible deaths. Of the 22 present at it's opening, 21 were alive 10 years later.

The death of George V was timed so it'd make the morning papers
In the 'old days' men and women used a Laff Riot of deadly substances for cosmetics, which would often lead to their insanity and death. Lead was used for that pale white skin in the form of Lead white and Venetian Ceruse, which was absorbed into the skin, into the tissues and blood and caused acute lead poisoning. Mercury, in the form of mercury sublimate or "Solman's Water" was used to remove warts and bleach freckles. Ditto. Belladonna, a fatally toxic hallucinogen, was used to redden cheeks and lips.

It's said that most people who commit suicide 'arrange' it so the people/person they want to 'punish' or give a final "See I told you so" find the body
Armadillos and humans are the only animals that get leprosy.

The most common animal people on their death beds or in death hallucinations/visions report seeing is a grey or black dog.

More men than women commit suicide over love affairs gone wrong.

In the 20 years of the Great California Gold Rush (1849) about 300,000 died from disease and 362 were killed by Indians.

When Anne Boleyn was beheaded, so was her dog, Urian. Guess that showed her.
It's estimated that in one hour, Genghis Khan's army killed 1,748,000 people. Each of his men was ordered to kill as many people as they could until they dropped from exhaustion, and bring the ears of the victims to the officers for proof.

Chocolate is lethal to dogs. Doesn't take much.

Elephants have been known to die of broken hearts if a mate dies. They refuse to eat and will lay down, shedding tears until they starve to death. They refuse all human help.

Union General John Sedgewick was killed during the Battle of Spotsylvania on May 9, 1864 while sitting on his horse and making the comment that the confederate troops were so inept that they "couldn't hit an elephant from this dis - - - " Those were his last words.

Direct Dialing inspired by death - Almon Strowger was one of two undertakers who worked in Kansas City in the 1800s. When a dear friend died, he thought it was pretty strange he hadn't been called by the family to take care of the funeral arrangements. It just so happened that the only telephone operator in Kansas City, who received and directed all the city's phone calls, was the other undertaker's wife. Hmmm.... Strowger didn't get mad, he got even. He invented the world's first automatic telephone exchange system (and the first dial phone) making it possible for people to dial numbers directly and not have to use operators. Take that.

Funny traffic sign

a

Saturday, July 26, 2008

Number Spirals

1. Introduction

Number spirals are very simple. To make one, we just write the non-negative integers on a ribbon and roll it up with zero at the center.

The trick is to arrange the spiral so all the perfect squares (1, 4, 9, 16, etc.) line up in a row on the right side:



If we continue winding for a while and zoom out a bit, the result looks like this:



If we zoom out even further and remove everything except the dots that indicate the locations of integers, we get the next illustration. It shows 2026 dots:


Let's try making the primes darker than the non-primes:



The primes seem to cluster along certain curves. Let's zoom out even further to get a better look. The following number spiral shows all the primes that occur within the first 46,656 non-negative integers. (For clarity, non-primes have been left out.)



It looks as though primes tend to concentrate in certain curves that swoop away to the northwest and southwest, like the curve marked by the blue arrow.

On the next few pages of this website, we'll investigate these patterns and try to make sense out of them.

Details

Each non-negative real number n has polar coordinates


where theta is the angle measured in rotations, not radians or degrees. One rotation equals 360 degrees.

Unless otherwise noted, all angles on this website are measured in rotations. The reason for this will become clear as we go on.

Friday, July 25, 2008

Windows XP set the search screen to the classic look

When I first saw the default search pane in Windows XP, my instinct was to return it to its classic look; that puppy had to go. Of course, I later discovered that a doggie door is built into the applet. Click "Change preferences" then "Without an animated screen character." If you'd rather give it a bare-bones "Windows 2000" look and feel, fire up your Registry editor and navigate to:

HKEY_CURRENT_USER \ Software \ Microsoft \ Windows \ CurrentVersion \ Explorer \ CabinetState.

You may need to create a new string value labeled "Use Search Asst" and set it to "no".

19 things you didnt know about Windows XP

1. It boasts how long it can stay up. Whereas previous versions of Windows were coy about how long they went between boots, XP is positively proud of its stamina. Go to the Command Prompt in the Accessories menu from the All Programs start button option, and then type 'systeminfo'. The computer will produce a lot of useful info, including the uptime. If you want to keep these, type 'systeminfo > info.txt'. This creates a file called info.txt you can look at later with Notepad. (Professional Edition only).

2. You can delete files immediately, without having them move to the Recycle Bin first. Go to the Start menu, select Run... and type 'gpedit.msc'; then select User Configuration, Administrative Templates, Windows Components, Windows Explorer and find the Do not move deleted files to the Recycle Bin setting. Set it. Poking around in gpedit will reveal a great many interface and system options, but take care -- some may stop your computer behaving as you wish. (Professional Edition only).

3. You can lock your XP workstation with two clicks of the mouse. Create a new shortcut on your desktop using a right mouse click, and enter 'rundll32.exe user32.dll,LockWorkStation' in the location field. Give the shortcut a name you like. That's it -- just double click on it and your computer will be locked. And if that's not easy enough, Windows key + L will do the same.

4. XP hides some system software you might want to remove, such as Windows Messenger, but you can tickle it and make it disgorge everything. Using Notepad or Edit, edit the text file /windows/inf/sysoc.inf, search for the word 'hide' and remove it. You can then go to the Add or Remove Programs in the Control Panel, select Add/Remove Windows Components and there will be your prey, exposed and vulnerable.

5. For those skilled in the art of DOS batch files, XP has a number of interesting new commands. These include 'eventcreate' and 'eventtriggers' for creating and watching system events, 'typeperf' for monitoring performance of various subsystems, and 'schtasks' for handling scheduled tasks. As usual, typing the command name followed by /? will give a list of options -- they're all far too baroque to go into here.

6. XP has IP version 6 support -- the next generation of IP. Unfortunately this is more than your ISP has, so you can only experiment with this on your LAN. Type 'ipv6 install' into Run... (it's OK, it won't ruin your existing network setup) and then 'ipv6 /?' at the command line to find out more. If you don't know what IPv6 is, don't worry and don't bother.

7. You can at last get rid of tasks on the computer from the command line by using 'taskkill /pid' and the task number, or just 'tskill' and the process number. Find that out by typing 'tasklist', which will also tell you a lot about what's going on in your system.

8. XP will treat Zip files like folders, which is nice if you've got a fast machine. On slower machines, you can make XP leave zip files well alone by typing 'regsvr32 /u zipfldr.dll' at the command line. If you change your mind later, you can put things back as they were by typing 'regsvr32 zipfldr.dll'.

9. XP has ClearType -- Microsoft's anti-aliasing font display technology -- but doesn't have it enabled by default. It's well worth trying, especially if you were there for DOS and all those years of staring at a screen have given you the eyes of an astigmatic bat. To enable ClearType, right click on the desktop, select Properties, Appearance, Effects, select ClearType from the second drop-down menu and enable the selection. Expect best results on laptop displays. If you want to use ClearType on the Welcome login screen as well, set the registry entry HKEY_USERS/.DEFAULT/Control Panel/Desktop/FontSmoothingType to 2.

10. You can use Remote Assistance to help a friend who's using network address translation (NAT) on a home network, but not automatically. Get your pal to email you a Remote Assistance invitation and edit the file. Under the RCTICKET attribute will be a NAT IP address, like 192.168.1.10. Replace this with your chum's real IP address -- they can find this out by going to www.whatismyip.com -- and get them to make sure that they've got port 3389 open on their firewall and forwarded to the errant computer.

11. You can run a program as a different user without logging out and back in again. Right click the icon, select Run As... and enter the user name and password you want to use. This only applies for that run. The trick is particularly useful if you need to have administrative permissions to install a program, which many require. Note that you can have some fun by running programs multiple times on the same system as different users, but this can have unforeseen effects.

12. Windows XP can be very insistent about you checking for auto updates, registering a Passport, using Windows Messenger and so on. After a while, the nagging goes away, but if you feel you might slip the bonds of sanity before that point, run Regedit, go to HKEY_CURRENT_USER/Software/Microsoft/Windows/Current Version/Explorer/Advanced and create a DWORD value called EnableBalloonTips with a value of 0.

13. You can start up without needing to enter a user name or password. Select Run... from the start menu and type 'control userpasswords2', which will open the user accounts application. On the Users tab, clear the box for Users Must Enter A User Name And Password To Use This Computer, and click on OK. An Automatically Log On dialog box will appear; enter the user name and password for the account you want to use.

14. Internet Explorer 6 will automatically delete temporary files, but only if you tell it to. Start the browser, select Tools / Internet Options... and Advanced, go down to the Security area and check the box to Empty Temporary Internet Files folder when browser is closed.

15. XP comes with a free Network Activity Light, just in case you can't see the LEDs twinkle on your network card. Right click on My Network Places on the desktop, then select Properties. Right click on the description for your LAN or dial-up connection, select Properties, then check the Show icon in notification area when connected box. You'll now see a tiny network icon on the right of your task bar that glimmers nicely during network traffic.

16. The Start Menu can be leisurely when it decides to appear, but you can speed things along by changing the registry entry HKEY_CURRENT_USER/Control Panel/Desktop/MenuShowDelay from the default 400 to something a little snappier. Like 0.

17. You can rename loads of files at once in Windows Explorer. Highlight a set of files in a window, then right click on one and rename it. All the other files will be renamed to that name, with individual numbers in brackets to distinguish them. Also, in a folder you can arrange icons in alphabetised groups by View, Arrange Icon By... Show In Groups.

18. Windows Media Player will display the cover art for albums as it plays the tracks -- if it found the picture on the Internet when you copied the tracks from the CD. If it didn't, or if you have lots of pre-WMP music files, you can put your own copy of the cover art in the same directory as the tracks. Just call it folder.jpg and Windows Media Player will pick it up and display it.

19. Windows key + Break brings up the System Properties dialogue box; Windows key + D brings up the desktop; Windows key + Tab moves through the taskbar buttons.

Removing Windows XP's messenger

Theoretically, you can get rid of it (as well as a few other things). Windows 2000 power users should already be familiar with this tweak.

Fire up the Windows Explorer and navigate your way to the %SYSTEMROOT% \ INF folder. What the heck is that thingy with the percentage signs? It's a variable. For most people, %SYSTEMROOT% is C:\Windows. For others, it may be E:\WinXP. Get it? Okay, on with the hack! In the INF folder, open sysoc.inf (but not before making a BACKUP copy first). Before your eyes glaze over, look for the line containing "msmsgs" in it. Near the end of that particular line, you'll notice that the word "hide" is not so hidden. Go ahead and delete "hide" (so that the flanking commas are left sitting next to one another). Save the file and close it. Now, open the Add and Remove Programs applet in the Control Panel. Click the Add / Remove Windows Components icon. You should see "Windows Messenger" in that list. Remove the checkmark from its box, and you should be set. NOTE: there are other hidden system components in that sysoc.inf file, too. Remove "hide" and the subsequent programs at your own risk.

Batman and Joker